tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC January 27, 2016 11:34pm-12:37am EST
tonight, join jimmy and his guests -- natalie portman. john oliver. musical guest sia. and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 409 galveston. >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. sounding great. fantastic. good to see you guys. looking good!
hot crowd tonight. [ cheers and applause ] welcome, welcome, welcome. welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. this is it. you're here. you made it. we're all ready for a big show tonight. so happy you're here. thank you, thank you very much. here's what people are talking about. yesterday big news, donald trump announced that he is not going to participate in the fox news debate tomorrow night. [ cheers and applause ] the other candidates are really excited to present their views in a serious yet respectle -- respectful manner which means they haven't been told that nobody's going to watch this one. [ cheers and applause ] trump says that he's not going to the fox news debate because moderator megyn kelly is biased against him. [ laughter ] and trump has a right to be scared because usually when a a younger attractive woman disagrees with him, she ends up taking half his stuff. so i mean this is -- [ laughter ]
[ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from his point of view. >> jimmy: of course, the other candidates have some pretty strong opinions about trump not check it out. ted cruz said, "good." [ laughter ] marco rubio said, "good." [ laughter ] ben carson said, "good." rand paul said, "good." finally chris christie said [ laughter ] >> steve: wait, what? >> jimmy: why would he get -- [ cheers and applause ] why would he trip up like that? >> steve: why did he say food? >> jimmy: it's not easy. i tripped up earlier. you trip up words. >> steve: it happens. >> jimmy: you make mistakes. we're human beings. that's all. >> steve: yeah, what's on your food. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and then good. >> steve: yeah, good. >> jimmy: despite trump bowing out fox news -- did you see this higgins? they're still trying to get people excited about the debate. so even going on without donald trump. i don't know if this is working. watch. >> thursday night it's the fox news republican debate! [ laughter ] sure, donald trump won't be
this debate won't blow your foxing mind! you still got a bush that won't be tamed. >> we were -- we have -- we balanced every budget. >> and wake up mother truckers! because ben carson's about to open your head and drop a a sponge in it! >> the value of personal responsibility, hard work, cre -- creativity. >> plus the triple decker disaster -- cruz, kasich, christie! -- and rand paul. the fox news republican debate! we are totally not freaking out right now! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: exciting. i don't know. >> steve: i don't know. [ applause ] >> jimmy: but it seems like donald trump is still getting plenty of support. in fact, his latest endorsement -- did you hear this -- is from the balloon boy. >> steve: oh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you remember -- remember the kid whose parents said he floated away in a a balloon? [ laughter ] the hoax in 2009. like aluminum foil balloon in like a box. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: well balloon boy has
donald trump for president. [ laughter ] he was like, what can i say, i'm prone to getting carried away by hot air. [ laughter ] so now i hear you. [ cheers and applause ] said enough, that's -- >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: the balloon boy. >> steve: balloon boy. >> jimmy: we watched it here. >> steve: oh, yeah. >> jimmy: it happened in the afternoon. >> steve: we were like, "what the heck?" >> jimmy: so great. >> steve: "there's no way a a human could fit in that thing." >> jimmy: i was worried. yeah. i go, "is that possible? it's like carrying a boy." [ laughter ] over at a town hall in iowa, a a voter asked hillary clinton how her views align with the ten commandments, and she said that, quote "in many areas judgment should be left to god." then god was like, "okay, you really shouldn't have deleted all those e- mails. [ laughter ] you brought it up. i'm just saying." [ cheers and applause ] not getting into it. >> steve: i'm just sitting over there. >> jimmy: of course, martin o'malley is -- [ laughter ] >> steve: doink. >> jimmy: he's also still in the race for the democratic
and i don't know if it's because his campaign is still struggling so much but i think he might be starting to crack a a little bit. check him out on the campaign trail this week. watch, this is real. iowa iowa winter spring summer or fall sowing our crops singing our songs waiting until harvest time whoa whoa whoa iowa iowa winter spring summer or fall [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: at least the audience -- at least the audience seemed into it. [ laughter ] he's still singing? >> steve: when is martin o'malley coming on? >> jimmy: i think it marked the first time that iowa's cows started booing instead of mooing. boo, boo! [ laughter and applause ] this is kind of crazy here. did you hear this?
named rocko now believed to be the world's tallest dog. he's seven feet tall on his hind legs and weighs 167 pounds. when you throw a stick, the dog goes, "you get it." [ laughter and applause ] do you believe that? that's right, there's a dog that's seven feet tall on his hind legs. his owner says he likes getting his hair brushed, eating carrots, and she just now realized he's a horse. but no big deal. [ laughter and applause ] what's the big deal? it's some type of news, right? [ applause ] finally, as i mentioned earlier, campaign season is heating up and the iowa caucuses are less than a week away. and we wanted to talk to people on the street and hear what they had to say about the presidential candidates. but because we do the show from rockefeller center, we added a a twist. we sent our writer arthur who doesn't have much skating experience down to the skating rink -- [ laughter ] right here in rockefeller plaza
politics while also trying to skate. it's a new segment we call ice-sking questions. ice-sking questions yeah [ cheers and applause ] >> what do you think are the most important issues in the election? [ laughter ] what -- sorry, what do you think are the most important issues in the election? >> national security, the economy and health care. >> do you think bernie sanders is too extreme to get nominated? [ laughter ] >> i don't think he's any worse -- than the rest of them, no. >> okay. what do you think are the most important issues in this election? and jobs. [ laughter ] >> sorry. do you think that donald trump is too extreme to get the nomination? >> ah oh, no! oh, no! who do you think will be the nominee for president? sorry. sorry. i don't know my own speed. and then what about for the democrats? >> unfortunately, i think it's going to be hillary. >> oh! [ laughter ] you okay?
>> do you think donald trump will be the republican nominee? >> no. >> no. >> here you go, jimmy, we've heard a lot of interesting opinions and i think i learned a little something about skating in the process. [ cheers and applause ] >> back to you, jimmy. >> jimmy: wow, he learned a lot about skating. arthur myer, everybody. we have a great show. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome, everybody. thank you very much. we have a great, great, great, great, great show. and no joke, tonight, it's unbelievable. it's just -- it's funny, it's informative, it's entertaining. tonight is "the tonight show." this is tonight. >> steve: yeah! >> jimmy: this is what i'm talking about. this is a good time. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for being here.
first, quick mention, you guys mike nichols was one of the true legends of writing, directing, and performing. this friday on pbs, american masters is kicking off its 30th season with a special about mike nichols. it's directed by the great elaine may. it has interviews with steven spielberg, meryl streep, tom hanks, dustin hoffman. if you are a fan of mike nichols or you want to be a fan, you got to check this thing out. it's on pbs, "american masters." [ cheers and applause ] one in a zillion. we've got a big show tonight. she is an academy award-winning actress with a big new movie opening this weekend. a gun." one of our favorites, natalie portman is here! [ cheers and applause ] just -- just a joy -- just a a joy to be around. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: plus he's the award winning host of hbo's "last week tonight with john oliver." the very, very, very, very, very funny john oliver is
[ cheers and applause ] he's a funny, funny guy. and one of the -- one of the best voices in music today, one of the coolest artists out there ever, and just fantastic to work with, too, just watching her rehearse was like amazing. and just -- it's just mind blowing, we love her so much. sia is performing for us. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "this is acting." [ cheers and applause ] i can't do that. [ laughter ] she has a very small mouth. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: usually you can't see her mouth. >> steve: because she's singing. >> jimmy: well the wig is usually covering up to here. but then with the wig up a a little bit, that's her. yeah, she has a very -- >> steve: that's a normal mouth. >> jimmy: that's her normal mouth. >> steve: that's how she gets these beautiful dulcet tones. >> jimmy: yeah, like this is -- this is the new song.
it's called "cheap thrills." listen. [ laughter ] no, over the computer. >> steve: that sounds like her lip. >> jimmy: no, i'm playing it on the computer. listen. [ kissing noises ] [ laughter ] it's one of the best -- "cheap thrills." >> steve: really? >> jimmy: sia's new song. >> steve: god. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sia's on the show. >> steve: sia. >> jimmy: see ya, i would want to be ya. >> steve: in this case i would. her, yeah. i read something that really disturbed me recently. >> steve: what is that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: american kids are ranked 30th in the world in terms of math skills. and nobody seems to know how to turn this thing around. i think the problem is that today's kids just can't relate to old fashioned things like
[ laughter ] who would? who would? >> jimmy: so we've updated math to make the questions -- the equations more about stuff modern kids can relate to in a a segment called popular mathematics. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] popular mathematics mathematics [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on. that's a great -- >> steve: come on. [ cheers and applause ] mathematics >> steve: that makes math more fun. >> jimmy: i want to download that one. that was good. what do you say? popular mathematics mathematics >> steve: i like the way it goes up. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, fantastic. let me show you. let's take a look at our first equation here. if you take flo rida. [ laughter ] plus mad max. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: it equals flomax. you see what i'm saying? [ laughter ] >> steve: oh, i see. >> jimmy: that's the idea. >> steve: this and that. forget numbers. >> jimmy: no, no. this is it. forget numbers. like here's another one her. you have halle berry. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: plus quaker oatmeal equals hall & oates. you see what i'm saying? [ laughter ] you get what it is now? >> steve: that was good. i understand it. [ applause ] this should be like on a psat.
understand i'll give you another example. take super mario. >> steve: love it. >> jimmy: plus a pool liner. >> steve: got it. >> jimmy: it equals el chapo. saying? >> steve: i see. >> jimmy: it all -- >> steve: it's a popular mathmatics. >> jimmy: very loud shirt and you understand math. >> steve: i see. he somewhat looks like mario. i love it. this. >> jimmy: here's another one here. grandpa munster. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: minus 35 years. >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: equals ted cruz. [ laughter ] see, now, kids they see it. the visual thing. >> steve: yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] this is gonna sweep the nation. >> jimmy: if you take the alphabet. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: plus a blender. >> steve: uh-huh. >> jimmy: it equals kristaps porzingis. [ laughter ] he's the king of new york. >> steve: he's the king of new york, i know. >> jimmy: great player, great name. >> steve: he's the king -- he's the korningis. >> jimmy: he's the korningus. >> steve: yeah, he's the korningus of new york. >> jimmy: i just officially crowned him korningis of new york. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: yeah, porzingis is the korningis. [ laughter ] here -- here's another one here, you guys. >> steve: let me see it. >> jimmy: donald duck. >> steve: yep.
equals donald trump. you see. very -- [ laughter ] you understand. >> steve: that i see exactly. [ applause ] >> jimmy: if you take ricola -- [ laughter ] plus drake, it equals drakeula. drakeula [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i want to suck your bling. he doesn't have to say it. >> steve: no, he should say it. >> jimmy: but he could. that's what i'm saying. >> steve: he started from the bottom. >> jimmy: it's an option for him to say it. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: doesn't have to do anything. >> steve: he doesn't do nothing. he's drake, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's -- >> steve: drakeula man? >> jimmy: here's another one here. if you take statler and waldorf. >> steve: sure. >> jimmy: and divide it by two, it equals one bernie sanders. >> steve: wow. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's what it does. divide by two. [ applause ] >> steve: a little few numbers in there. your kid still -- >> jimmy: finally if you take one dollar minus 95 cents, it equals nickelback. there you go. that's -- that's some good math. that's all the time we have for popular mathematics. we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show." it's super fun! come on back.
[ scanner beeping ] sir, could you step aside? "sir"? come on. you know who i am. progressive insurance? uh, i save people an average of over $500 when they switch? did you pack your own bags? oh! right -- the name your price tool. it shows people policy options to help fit their budget. [ scanner warbling ] crazy that a big shot like me would pack his own bags, right? [ chuckles ] so, do i have the right to remain handsome? [ chuckles ] wait. uh-oh. we love, love, chocolaty, creamy, with a little something extra. mmm deliciousness. cookies or almonds. yumminess. hershey' s is mine, yours, our chocolate. this is henry's hard orange. it's a delicious, refreshing and easy to drink hard soda. but not too hard- you've got stuff to do tomorrow.
live hard...-ish. we sent two women into a real guys night out to see if they could find the guy who uses just for men. it's me. >>no way. just for men gives you a natural gray-free look. just lather in. in just five minutes. great-looking hair, made easy. just for men. james drove his rav4 hybrid into the frozen wilderness. the scent of his jerky attracted a hungry wolfpack behind him. to survive, he had to remain fearless. he would hunt with them. and expand their territory. he'd form a bond with a wolf named accalia... ...become den mother and nurse their young. james left in search of his next adventure. how far will you take
since 1961, pearle vision has provided the neighborhood with expert eye care. that was dr. stanley pearle's vision and we still proudly carry on his legacy. today, doctors like lisa hamilton perform eye exams that can help detect diabetes. because we care for you... and your eyes. this is genuine eye care, in your neighborhood.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, welcome back, everybody. i like that. i like that. i think i thought of a new dance. anyone can do it. anyone can do it. [ cheers ] >> steve: anybody can do it. my grandma and your grandma sitting by the fire my grandma said to your grandma she's gonna set your flag on fire talkin' bout -- hey, you know what? >> steve: hey! what? >> jimmy: you know what? instead of me singing it, why don't we have me, sia and natalie portman sing it with the roots? [ cheers and applause ] check out this video we made this afternoon. my grandma
my grandma said to your grandma i'm gonna set your flag on fire talkin' bout hey now hey now hey now hey now iko iko un-day jack-a-mo fee-no ai na-na jack-a-mo fee na-nay look at my king all dressed in red iko iko un-day bet you five dollars he'll kill you dead jack-a-mo fee na-nay talkin' bout hey now hey now hey now hey now iko iko un-day jack-a-mo fee-no ai na-na jack-a-mo fee na-nay my flag boy and your flag boy sitting by the fire my flag boy said to your flag boy i'm gonna set your flag on fire talkin' bout hey now hey now hey now hey now iko iko un-day jack-a-mo fee-no
see that guy all dressed in green iko iko un-day he ain't a man he's a lovin' machine jack-a-mo fee na-nay talkin' bout hey now hey now hey now hey now iko iko un-day jack-a-mo fee-no ai na-na jack-a-mo fee na-nay jack-a-mo fee na-nay jack-a-mo fee na-nay jack-a-mo fee na-nay [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on! the roots right there! [ cheers and applause ] natalie portman! sia! [ cheers ] come on. nothing but percussion there. that was fun. stick around. we'll be right back with more natalie portman, everybody.
rootmetrics, in the nation's largest independent study, tested wireless performance across the country. verizon, won big with one hundred fifty three state wins. a t and t got thirty-eight, sprint got two, and t mobile got, zero. verizon also won first in the us for data, call speed, and reliability. a t and t got, text. stuck on an average network? join verizon and we'll cover your costs to switch. adventures from $599, plus up to $300 to spend at sea. come seek the royal caribbean.
congress doesn't regulate wall street... wall street regulates congress. it's a rigged economy that sends most new wealth to the top 1%. and it's held in place by a corrupt political system where wall street banks and billionaires buy elections. my campaign is funded small contributions. people who know you can't level the playing field by taking more money from wall street. i'm bernie sanders, and i approve this message. join the fight
very hard-working human. here's natalie portman. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! >> oh. >> jimmy: come on. welcome. thank you for coming on the show. >> thank you so much for having me. >> jimmy: thank you for doing that bit with -- >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: singing and playing blocks with sia. [ light laughter ] >> you guys are so cool and i'm just like the dorky mom like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, it's the best dance. it's so cute. you're just like -- >> oh, my gosh. i was panicking back there. i was like -- it looks like i was
performing on "sesame street." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, that's what it feels like when you come on. no, you're absolutely the coolest. you're the coolest of all time. >> thanks, that was the coolest opportunity. >> jimmy: you know, i mean it's sia. i mean, how can you describe that person? >> she is amazing. [ laughter ]
describe -- i mean, seriously she's like someone i've never met. that voice, we didn't need a a microphone for that. she was like -- iko iko i'm like, okay. well, we have a
different version, like i'm gonna hide the spoons i guess. [ laughter ] >> you were killer on the spoons. >> jimmy: thank you, i appreciate that. that's what i'm known for. >> where'd you learn that? >> jimmy: that's how i got the job. [ laughter ] the "the tonight show" they're like, can you play the spoons? they're like, leno plays the spoons. i go, yeah, i can play the spoons. but i just -- don't you -- you get a little nervous around sia, 'cause just, we're fans. we're superfans. >> she is so, so cool. and what a voice. >> jimmy: yeah, and of course, you rocked the wig out, too. i love it. here's how -- >> in an embarrassing mom way. >> jimmy: here's how harvard and smart you are. because i know you went to harvard. you brought it up. not really. [ laughter ] i didn't go to harvard. we asked natalie if she wants to do this bit and you're so nice and said yes and i appreciate that. then you get here today and i'm singing like --
fee na-ne and you had already researched the lyrics and the song -- the song means something. i had no idea. that there's a meaning to "iko iko un-day." i go, what is it -- where is it from? what is it? you're like a human wikipedia. >> not at all. >> jimmy: you're like the amazon echo thing. >> i'm like the person who uses wikipedia like all other [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i know, but here's the fun thing, i don't have to use it. i just ask you. what does it kind of mean? do you know? >> no, it was -- i tried to find the lyrics 'cause they were like you're gonna have to like sing along. so i was like, "google." >> jimmy: you didn't think -- we sent you the lyrics. you're like, this can't be the lyrics. these are sound effects. [ laughter ] this is like jimmy wrote it in crayons. you're like, "jock-a-mo fee na-ne?" and i faxed it, which is very hard to do. they don't have fax machines any more. [ laughter ] but what does it mean like love will -- >> yeah, it said something that it was like creole. like the king. >> jimmy: a mardi gras song? >> a mardi gras, yeah, creole. >> jimmy: i just love that you researched that. >> i didn't research it. i was looking for the lyrics. god, you go to harvard and
for the rest of your life. >> jimmy: oh, please! rub it in. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, we get it. you went to harvard, great. [ laughter ] they sent my application back to me. don't waste money on the stamp they said. they go, yeah, we're not even accepting this envelope. no, you know, once i actually tried to -- i tried to do stand-up at harvard and you were booking the concerts. >> that's how i met these guys, the coolest people in the world. >> jimmy: i mean, come on, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] you booked the roots? >> they were like -- they were the first band we were dying to have there. and questlove did an amazing, amazing panel there. >> questlove: oh, i forgot, okay. >> yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. and now he's a professor so. >> jimmy: wow, yeah. so, you had the panel there and just what? just talked to -- >> questlove: yeah. >> jimmy: that's pretty cool. [ laughter ] you guys -- i remember getting a call back if i could do stand-up when you were running things. >> i'm not in charge of stand-up.
at all. >> jimmy: i think though you were a little bit or something. 'cause they said and i go, i'd love to do stand-up at harvard 'cause i love -- >> you should still do it. >> jimmy: well, i don't do stand-up anymore. >> why not? >> jimmy: well, i do it five nights a week. [ light laughter ] in front of millions of people. >> true. >> jimmy: but yeah -- >> i don't work at harvard anymore. >> jimmy: but anyways i remember my agent saying well, we have to call natalie portman to do it. and i go, how hard is this? we have to call natalie portman? but i guess you were booking the stuff. anyways, thank you for not hiring me. [ laughter ] i wanted to talk to you about -- let's talk about your movie "jane got a gun." it's a big western, and you are a badass in this film. and oh, my gosh, you're great in it. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's rare to have a a female lead in a western, but here you are and it works. it's fantastic. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: do you wanna setup the story at all? >> jane hammond, my character, is stranded at her home with an enemy coming and has to go to
help. >> jimmy: the gang is comin' to get ya. >> so, it's sort of this love story siege in the wild west. >> jimmy: like a love triangle, too. and the head of the other gang, the bad gang, is ewan mcgregor. >> yes. [ scottish accent ] >> jimmy: ewan mcgregor. >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but he's not scottish in this. but either way. it's a scottish western and it's rare. you don't see it much, but it existed, you know? i wikipediaed it earlier. [ laughter ] tons of scottish westerns, yeah. he -- we love him on the show 'cause we always do goofy stuff with ewan, but man, he's a a villain in this, man. >> he's scary in it. >> jimmy: evil. >> he's scary in it. >> jimmy: evil, yeah. and just smiling throughout and just mean and oh, gosh. i wanted to show everyone a a clip here. here's natalie portman convincing ewan mcgregor to give up the location of her daughter in "jane got a gun." in theaters this friday. check this out. >> where is she?
that, what am i left with? >> tell me where -- you took -- my child. >> jane! >> are you counting? because i still got a pair of bullets, and a question that i ain't gonna ask again! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i ain't gonna ask again! that's how you do it right there. come on. natalie portman, "jane got a a gun" is in theaters this friday. john oliver joins us after the break. stick around, everybody.
we brought you here today to get your honest opinion about this new car. to keep things unbiased, we removed all the logos. feels like a bmw. reminds me a little bit of like an audi. so, this car supports apple carplay. siri, open maps. she gets me. wow. it also has teen driver technology. it even mutes the radio until the seat belts are buckled. i'm very curious what it is. this is the 2016 chevy malibu. and it sells for? it starts at twenty-two five. what? oh wow. i mean with all this technology. that's a game changer. we're looking for something a little less... maybe a little less expensive? absolutely. please. well, check out yelp. we need a great body shop. my wife just hit a deer.
he just froze. it's cool. we know just the place. i guess i need... golf... lessons? yes you do! [ka-boom!] that looks rad. whatever you need... whenever you need it... check yelp first. we know just the place. if you could see your cough, it's just a cough. you'd see how often you cough all day and so would everyone else. new robitussin 12 hour delivers fast, powerful cough relief that lasts up to twelve hours. new robitussin 12 hour cough relief. because it's never just a cough. dear, why don't we switch to directv? now mother, we are settlers. i've settled for cable all my life. but directv has been number one in customer satisfaction over cable for 15 years. we find our satisfaction elsewhere. the boy has his stick and hoop. the girl - her faceless doll. and you have your cabbages. and you...have your foot stomping. i sure do. (vo) don't be a settler. get rid
a three-time emmy award winning comedian. he's also the host of the critically acclaimed show "last week tonight with john oliver," which returns february 14th at 11:00 p.m. on hbo. everyone, please welcome john oliver. [ cheers and applause ] >> i think -- i think i just did soldier boy for no reason. [ laughter ] absolutely no reason. >> jimmy: that's what we want you to do. that's why we love having you on. >> i heard that beat and i threw out a soldier boy. >> jimmy: you had to do it. you had to do it. you had to do it. i wanna say congrats on everything. congrats on -- you just recently won a critic's choice and you won the peabody. >> yeah! >> jimmy: i mean, you're really working hard on this show. >> those awards are now meaningless. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: no, they're not. you deserve the awards.
value the currency of those awards. >> jimmy: we love the show. obviously, you know we're superfans of the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: we've done bits together but, gosh, we watch everything, i go, oh, that's brilliant. last season you started a a church. >> yeah, we started a church. [ laughter ] it turns out that is an incredibly easy thing to do with almost no legal consequences. yeah, we started a church and my wife was rachel dratch, who's the greatest. >> jimmy: of course. i love rachel. she's a funny, funny -- >> yeah, we asked for donations for like $1 donations. >> jimmy: how did you even -- >> it got out of hand fast. [ light laughter ] basically we got in touch with this pastor and for six months he was e-mailing back and forth and we were sending him money and he was sending us stupid [ bleep ] back. and we were sending him more and keeping this plate spinning. and eventually we
just set up our own church and then we had $70,000 donated in singles. [ laughter ] and that was just the tip of a a crazy iceberg. someone sent us a four-foot wooden penis, which i did not
i can't stress that enough. >> jimmy: you did not ask for that. >> at no point did i say please send a four-foot wooden penis, or indeed three foot or five foot. >> jimmy: yeah, well, i'm sorry it just didn't fit in the background, here. yeah. i had to send it to someone. >> yeah. >> jimmy: but you do crazy things like that. i mean, not
crazy things, but it is a little crazy. >> it's objectively stupid. enjoy it. but it's just insane -- but not even insane. >> no, it is. >> jimmy: i can't even think it's possible. you went to russia and you interviewed edward snowden. >> yeah, well, that is insane. and that is less legally safe, to be honest. >> jimmy: how did you even -- how did you pull it off? who knew that you were going? >> well, we didn't tell hbo. >> jimmy: good for you. >> yeah. [ laughter ] that was arguably the first people we should have told. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and they ended up being the last. but they were fine with it. so, yeah, i called them after we got back and said, i was in russia, surprise. [ light laughter ] i was in russia, talking to edward snowden.
>> jimmy: what did it feel like in -- >> it felt like we were in trouble all the time. [ laughter ] it got so -- 'cause i was even worried coming back to america whether we'd be in trouble here. so we spread the camera tapes between us around our bodies. it felt like the last scene of "argo." [ laughter ] with all i was thinking was once the wheels of the plane take off, i think i'm safe. which is an infantile understanding of international diplomacy. >> jimmy: of course. but man, oh, man it was fantastic. >> it was amazing. it was an amazing experience. >> jimmy: the new show -- the new season starts in a few weeks, february 14th, 11:00 p.m. >> yeah, if you're looking for the least romantic thing to do on valentine's day, do that. >> jimmy: it's good. i saw the poster for it. and you look sharp. and you got a bunch of good quotes, here. about you -- like one is -- this is from -- this is from cher. >> yeah. >> jimmy: go -- >> go [ bleep ] yourself.
>> you wee rat face. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] now, that's not really from cher. >> oh, that is absolutely from cher. basically what happened was cher's twitter handle is a work of art. if you ever want to know what cher thinks about anything at any time of the day, look at her twitter. so we had -- we've done this joke on the show about social media saying social media, something that cher nearly understands how to use because she's done some very dumb -- it's basically, look, you got it here, this, that's not how twitter works. >> jimmy: what is it? >> that's not how it works. [ laughter ] it's nearly -- the thing is that is nearly how twitter works. >> jimmy: please re-tweet! >> so close. so we did that. we made fun of her. and so -- and that was her response. go [ bleep ] yourself, you wee rat face. >> jimmy: that's very, very nice. and then donald trump said -- >> very boring. >> jimmy: very boring. yeah, very boring. >> i don't think he's entirely wrong about that. >> jimmy: no, yeah, but who is
>> the president of ecuador, the president of ecuador says i'm more unpleasant than a a diuretic. [ laughter ] that's the current president of ecuador, who took it upon himself to tweet at me across one angry morning saying there's no -- there's never been a funny english comedian and that i was, yeah, i was basically as unpleasant as a a diuretic. i can't go to ecuador unless i only ever want to be in ecuador for the rest of my life. [ laughter ] i can go. i just can't leave. >> jimmy: you can't get out, exactly. but obviously you have a lot of fans. and you don't -- you haven't upset that many people because you have a great story about ll cool j. >> yeah, so, you know ll cool j, right? >> jimmy: i love ll cool j. >> and so often, you know, if you meet someone amazing, then they can be disappointing. ll cool j is not that. >> jimmy: okay. >> that is an amazing human being. >> jimmy: i agree. >> and let me prove that to you. my wife loves ll cool j. she saw him at baggage claim at laguardia waiting for his bags
which he obviously isn't. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, he's ll cool j. >> he's ll cool j. >> jimmy: he certainly is, yeah. >> he's ll cool j. there's nothing normal about that. >> jimmy: no, no, no, yep. >> so my wife, my wife, for reasons best understood to her, decides to go over and speak to him. but instead of saying hello. she starts rapping the verses from "doing it well." [ laughter ] i swear she just goes up, no hello and just says -- i'm gonna call you big daddy and scream your name [ laughter ] matter of fact i can't wait for your candy rain to his credit, jimmy, he does not say what or who the [ bleep ] are you? >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] >> he also doesn't take the first bag that comes past saying this is mine and make an understandable fast exit. he doesn't miss a beat. he joins straight in. so what cha sayin i get my swerve on bring it live make it last forever damn the kitty cat's tight >> they do the whole song together.
the whole song. he does the whole song at baggage claim at laguardia. the whole thing. yeah. >> jimmy: ll cool j. >> he is the greatest. i think, i think if you see ll cool j in the streets, you can just start singing his songs at him and he'll join in. i think that's it. >> jimmy: he's that great of a a human being. >> from a social study of one, that's it. he's the greatest. >> jimmy: he's the greatest living man, ll cool j right there. >> who does that? >> jimmy: ll cool j. yeah, give it up for ll. [ cheers and applause ] we always love when you come on. valentine's day, february 14th, season three of "last week tonight with john oliver" premieres on hbo. we'll be right back with a a performance from sia.
ya know what he becomes? great proposal! let's talk more over golf. great. how about over tennis? even better. a game changer! the ready for you alert, only at lq.com. inside the rack houses of jim beam, thousands of barrels lay silent. but that doesn't mean they lay idle. in fact, inside each and every jim beam barrel, the bourbon is aging, building a fuller, smoother flavor, that only comes from being aged four long years. at jim beam, our history is made from the inside.
that feeling recaptured. by design. i've smoked a lot and quit a lot, but ended up nowhere. now i use this. the nicoderm cq patch, with unique extended release technology, helps prevent the urge to smoke all day. i want this time to be my last time. that's why i choose nicoderm cq. [richard] a thousand people will win one thousand dollars every day at h&r block. a thousand people win a thousand dollars every single day for a month.
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she's a grammy-nominated artist and one of the most creative forces in music today. that's right. performing "cheap thrills" off her highly-anticipated album "this is acting," please welcome sia! [ cheers and applause ] come on come on turn the radio on it's friday night and i won't be long gotta do my hair i put my make up on it's friday night and i won't be long
hit the dance floor i got all i need no i ain't got cash no i ain't got cash but i got you baby baby i don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight i love cheap thrills baby i don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight i love cheap thrills but i don't need no money as long as i can feel the beat i don't need no money as long as i keep dancing come on come on turn the radio on it's saturday and i won't be long gotta paint my nails put my high heels on it's saturday and i won't be long til i hit the dance floor hit the dance floor i got all i need no i ain't got cash
baby i don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight i love cheap thrills baby i don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight i love cheap thrills i don't need no money as long as i can feel the beat i don't need no money as long as i keep dancing i love cheap thrills i love cheap thrills i don't need no money as long as i can
i don't need no money as long as i keep dancing baby i don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight i love cheap thrills baby i don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight i love cheap thrills i don't need no money as long as i can feel the beat i don't need no money as long as i keep dancing la la la la la la la i love cheap thrills la la la la la la la i love cheap thrills la la la la la la la i love cheap thrills la la la la la la la
you know the basic bargain of america is if you work hard, and you do your part, you should be able to get ahead and stay ahead. but so many families don't feel like their hard work pays off. that's not the way america is supposed to operate. i want to go to bat for them every single day. get incomes rising... get equal pay for women... cut the cost of health caret and child care so people canr actually get ahead. hillary clinton, she has wha it takes to get things done. i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. how do you reimagine "banking"? you start with this... then you make it... nothing like this. you make a capital one caf\. someplace more relaxed. with free wi-fi and
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to natalie portman, john oliver, nobody does it like sia, right? come on now. you guys are phenomenal. thank you. give it up for the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. hope we see you tomorrow. bye-bye everybody.